BBP STORIES: Here in my church, I have a lesbian pastor

BBP STORIES: Here in my church, I have a lesbian pastor

West High School

In my church here in The Cities, I have a lesbian pastor. You always see these things on the news or on the Internet when you look up things like, “What are some things about gay marriage?” and stuff like that. And you always see people protesting. “Oh, it’s against the Bible. God hates gays. Um-, you know, you’re going against God’s word.” And I think it’s a nice slap to the face to them that my pastor’s a lesbian. And I’m pretty proud to have her as a pastor.

I always go around bragging, “Yeah. You should come to my church sometime. We’re pretty great. I mean, everybody’s welcome. Our pastor’s a lesbian. She’s pretty cool.”

I mean, it’s one thing to have a woman as a pastor these days. But it’s another thing for her to be a lesbian. I just think it’s really cool that we have that, you know, around here in The Cities.

And, I don’t know. At a young age, I was kind of exposed to gay people. Around fifth grade, my friend, who’s like two years older than me or something, she came and told me, “Hey, I, I think I’m a bisexual.” And I didn’t know how to react at first. I mean, how do you react to something like that? I was young, and I didn’t really know a lot about it. It was just sort of always, like, there, but never really, like, prominent in my life. Um—. Yeah. So, I was always afraid, like, “Oh, well, what if she tries hitting on me? What do I even do?” And stuff like that.

But, you know, over the years I kind of became more accustomed to it, like, “OK, it’s a thing. That’s pretty rad. I can accept that.” And through the years, I’ve been meeting more and more people and finding out more about myself. I think I’m slipping that way, too. I feel a lot more comfortable around chicks. And guys always, like, make me nervous. I’m never really comfortable around them. And girls, I—they’re  pretty. OK. So, I guess that’s really most of what I have to say.

Back to my pastor, when we were choosing pastors, like, cause one of ours was retiring. So we were choosing, like, who our new pastor would be. And there were a few people who were like, up to plate, and my dad, he was sort of against it. He’s like, “A woman as a pastor. I don’t think she’ll do it right. And even, worse, you know, she’s a lesbian.” I mean, you always hear lots of mean words said about people like that. Like um-, I’ve heard people refer to her even behind her back as “fish breath” and “carpet licker,” and I never really appreciated that. And I would always think to myself, “You’re, you are an ill-informed uneducated swine.” And, I mean, if that’s what they want to do, and that’s how they want to live, then you should accept that.

But she’s, she’s a pretty good pastor. I like her. She makes services nice and fun, and I like the openness and, like, just how everyone is truly welcome. And everyone can just be who they are.

I participated in the Day of Silence a few weeks ago, or something. And that was pretty rad, too. I liked that, a Day of Silence to honor those who had committed suicide because they were bullied because they were gay. And I guess, yeah, I’m cool with it. I really love how it’s so greatly accepted these days. And, it’s just really—it’s a cool thing.

BBP STORIES: I did research on how I felt

BBP STORIES: I did research on how I felt

West High School

I’m gender fluid.

And it was a really, really rough experience coming out as in just kind of being, you know. Something you weren’t born by. It was just really, really, you know, stressful to think that you weren’t normal for a while. I spent a long time just kind of wondering is this normal at, at all? And it was kind of stressful. But last year, I started crying in school because I broke down and I, I didn’t know if I was normal for a while. And someone asked me what was wrong. I didn’t tell anyone prior to how I was feeling, not even my best friends.

And I just poured my heart out into the conversation I had with him. And it, it was the most, it was the best think I could have asked for because he, he just listened to me. And it felt like someone … Even if someone didn’t understand what I was going through, they wanted to understand how I felt. It was really, really helpful for me. I did research on how I felt. I found out that there was something called gender fluid. And I was like: Wow. This is, this is how I feel. This–. I want to be a girl and I want to be a boy. But I don’t want to change that much. And um–. I, I went with that.

 

I told my friends.

They were supportive. Thank God. My parents. I, I couldn’t, I didn’t tell them for a while. I just sat at home and I really wanted to tell them. They knew I was, they knew, they thought I was a lesbian. But I told them later that I was pan sexual.

But I sat at home and I finally decided: OK. You know what? Today’s the day I’m going to tell my dad because he deserved to know first because he was kind of getting a son, in a way, as well as his daughter. And uh–. I took, we took, we went to dinner together and I just started asking him questions of what his views were on um-, gender. And I finally told them I feel like I’m both genders. And he, he kind of thought I was [laughing while talking] joking with him. Because that’s what I do with him. But after a while he, he really started asking questions. Like well, how did you feel? How did you come upon this? Why do you feel like this? And he’s, he’s, he had to do research on it. He didn’t understand it. But now he did the research cause he cared for me and he was very supportive and I’m really happy that he is because now he’s my biggest supporter in this.

BBP STORIES: I’m going to talk about my brother

BBP STORIES: I’m going to talk about my brother

West High School

TRANSCRIPT

 

I’m going to talk about my brother

 

I’m going to talk about my brother, who is gay. When I was in—let’s see—I was, I guess maybe 18 or 19 when he came out. And at that point in my life, it was not a surprise to anybody. And it was something that I think I took with stride and that he was just, you know, it was to be expected, and it was totally normal, or whatever you want to say.

But, when I was maybe 12, 13, 14—he was seven years younger. So, when I was at that age—when I was 13 years old, 12 years old, 15 years old, trying to figure out what a man was or what masculinity was or how I was supposed to act—I definitely resented at that age that I had a brother who did not fit any of that.

And I think that it’s something that—I don’t think I was a particularly mean brother, but I did mean things. And looking back on that, I think one of the reasons that I was mean was because he was gay, or because I thought he might be gay, or because the way he was acting was something that was negative or that was portrayed in the media or portrayed, you know, or that me and my friends would rag on each other for. For, you know, dancing around in drag at the age of five. It was something that, if he did that and my friends came over from middle school, it was something that I was ashamed of, unfortunately, at the time.

And so, I think something that—Luckily, I’ve changed a lot and, and I now—through just growing up, and meeting new people, and, and reflecting on who I am—I realize that, that that’s not who I am anymore.

And I just think that there are millions of other boys in America who are going through the same thing, that are trying to define their masculinity or who they are by defining who other people—you know, who else is not a man. And that is at the expense, usually, of people that are not gender conforming. That are not meeting the standard of what a man is supposed to be like: that they play sports, that they are wearing a T-shirt and jeans, and those sort of things.

And, so, I think for the rest of my life, I will use, use that knowledge when I’m working with, with 12-year-olds, with 13-year-olds and teenagers in a high school. And I think about that. I think about what’s going through their head, consciously or subconsciously, because I, when I was 12, I wasn’t thinking my brother was gay, but subconsciously, I was maybe ashamed of it. And, so, that’s something that I think about and that I try to take into account when I’m working.