BBP STORIES: I did research on how I felt

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BBP STORIES: I did research on how I felt

West High School

I’m gender fluid.

And it was a really, really rough experience coming out as in just kind of being, you know. Something you weren’t born by. It was just really, really, you know, stressful to think that you weren’t normal for a while. I spent a long time just kind of wondering is this normal at, at all? And it was kind of stressful. But last year, I started crying in school because I broke down and I, I didn’t know if I was normal for a while. And someone asked me what was wrong. I didn’t tell anyone prior to how I was feeling, not even my best friends.

And I just poured my heart out into the conversation I had with him. And it, it was the most, it was the best think I could have asked for because he, he just listened to me. And it felt like someone … Even if someone didn’t understand what I was going through, they wanted to understand how I felt. It was really, really helpful for me. I did research on how I felt. I found out that there was something called gender fluid. And I was like: Wow. This is, this is how I feel. This–. I want to be a girl and I want to be a boy. But I don’t want to change that much. And um–. I, I went with that.

 

I told my friends.

They were supportive. Thank God. My parents. I, I couldn’t, I didn’t tell them for a while. I just sat at home and I really wanted to tell them. They knew I was, they knew, they thought I was a lesbian. But I told them later that I was pan sexual.

But I sat at home and I finally decided: OK. You know what? Today’s the day I’m going to tell my dad because he deserved to know first because he was kind of getting a son, in a way, as well as his daughter. And uh–. I took, we took, we went to dinner together and I just started asking him questions of what his views were on um-, gender. And I finally told them I feel like I’m both genders. And he, he kind of thought I was [laughing while talking] joking with him. Because that’s what I do with him. But after a while he, he really started asking questions. Like well, how did you feel? How did you come upon this? Why do you feel like this? And he’s, he’s, he had to do research on it. He didn’t understand it. But now he did the research cause he cared for me and he was very supportive and I’m really happy that he is because now he’s my biggest supporter in this.

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BBP STORIES: I’m going to talk about my brother

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BBP STORIES: I’m going to talk about my brother

West High School

TRANSCRIPT

 

I’m going to talk about my brother

 

I’m going to talk about my brother, who is gay. When I was in—let’s see—I was, I guess maybe 18 or 19 when he came out. And at that point in my life, it was not a surprise to anybody. And it was something that I think I took with stride and that he was just, you know, it was to be expected, and it was totally normal, or whatever you want to say.

But, when I was maybe 12, 13, 14—he was seven years younger. So, when I was at that age—when I was 13 years old, 12 years old, 15 years old, trying to figure out what a man was or what masculinity was or how I was supposed to act—I definitely resented at that age that I had a brother who did not fit any of that.

And I think that it’s something that—I don’t think I was a particularly mean brother, but I did mean things. And looking back on that, I think one of the reasons that I was mean was because he was gay, or because I thought he might be gay, or because the way he was acting was something that was negative or that was portrayed in the media or portrayed, you know, or that me and my friends would rag on each other for. For, you know, dancing around in drag at the age of five. It was something that, if he did that and my friends came over from middle school, it was something that I was ashamed of, unfortunately, at the time.

And so, I think something that—Luckily, I’ve changed a lot and, and I now—through just growing up, and meeting new people, and, and reflecting on who I am—I realize that, that that’s not who I am anymore.

And I just think that there are millions of other boys in America who are going through the same thing, that are trying to define their masculinity or who they are by defining who other people—you know, who else is not a man. And that is at the expense, usually, of people that are not gender conforming. That are not meeting the standard of what a man is supposed to be like: that they play sports, that they are wearing a T-shirt and jeans, and those sort of things.

And, so, I think for the rest of my life, I will use, use that knowledge when I’m working with, with 12-year-olds, with 13-year-olds and teenagers in a high school. And I think about that. I think about what’s going through their head, consciously or subconsciously, because I, when I was 12, I wasn’t thinking my brother was gay, but subconsciously, I was maybe ashamed of it. And, so, that’s something that I think about and that I try to take into account when I’m working.

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BBP STORIES: I feel more comfortable, I feel more strong

by

BBP STORIES: I feel more comfortable, I feel more strong

West High School

My history can be from my leadership.

When I started in school, was kind of hard for me. I started being, do what I want, be who, who I am.

I remember that people call me Indian. But I’m not from India. I’m from Ecuador. But I just start to feel bad about it. But no one knows that, really knows that I am gay.

When I come out as a gay boy, people just start like, surprised. I don’t know why. They start talking about me behind me and saying I am the stupid boy. But that’s fine.

I go through a lot bad time, like I remember when Somali boys push me down when I was going to my chemistry class. No one’s going to help me that time. I just feel bad about myself because I, I thought that was wrong. I start crying; I start just feeling bad. When I told one of my teachers about it, they just start helping me a lot. There’s a good support in the school. They have friendly teachers.

They just are like, “OK. I’m here to help you.” But I didn’t feel good. I’m trying to do my best in school to surprise my friends, but that was not enough. I just surprised my teacher but not my friends. Everyone’s coming like my enemy, trying to push me down, talking behind me, talk about me bad things. Telling to all my other classmates that I was gay. I was a stupid boy. Then no—. Never going to be somebody else. And no one was going to take my place in this school.

 

But when I started getting enough support from my teachers,

I just let everything go. Just be myself. Just start doing leadership things. Just start helping my new classmates, helping the new people who come to the country doesn’t speak English. Helping them, try to help in math class with kids. Trying to teach the every single kid where bathroom is in the school, where they can go if they need help. I start feeling more stronger like never, never in my life.

I start feeling like I can do it/ If no one did it for me, I can do for them. But this point, some students that I know, are kind of against me because I am gay. They think that I can do nothing for anyone at school. But they were wrong because I can do more than them. More than what they are doing. Bullying. I can do more that what they think.

They just start talking about me. My classmate who I was helping, they said I’m not doing anything for them. When I was working for my school, doing anti bullying campaign, helping them in school, trying to get everyone, get around, knowing everyone together. But that was not enough. The bullying was going on. But it’s still a lie.

I’m more strong that what they think. Before their words were killing me. But now their words are making me strong. I really even know why are they, what’s going on because I feel more comfortable about myself. I feel more strong.

That’s my story about leadership because people think that gay people cannot lead a community. And people think you can’t do event because you are gay. That’s mean. You can do anything.

I have both hands. I have both feet. I have mouth. I have nose. I have eyes. I have hair. So I am a human, and I can help to my other classmates. I can help to other humans. That’s my story. Thank you.

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