BBP STORIES: I did research on how I felt

by

BBP STORIES: I did research on how I felt

West High School

I’m gender fluid.

And it was a really, really rough experience coming out as in just kind of being, you know. Something you weren’t born by. It was just really, really, you know, stressful to think that you weren’t normal for a while. I spent a long time just kind of wondering is this normal at, at all? And it was kind of stressful. But last year, I started crying in school because I broke down and I, I didn’t know if I was normal for a while. And someone asked me what was wrong. I didn’t tell anyone prior to how I was feeling, not even my best friends.

And I just poured my heart out into the conversation I had with him. And it, it was the most, it was the best think I could have asked for because he, he just listened to me. And it felt like someone … Even if someone didn’t understand what I was going through, they wanted to understand how I felt. It was really, really helpful for me. I did research on how I felt. I found out that there was something called gender fluid. And I was like: Wow. This is, this is how I feel. This–. I want to be a girl and I want to be a boy. But I don’t want to change that much. And um–. I, I went with that.

 

I told my friends.

They were supportive. Thank God. My parents. I, I couldn’t, I didn’t tell them for a while. I just sat at home and I really wanted to tell them. They knew I was, they knew, they thought I was a lesbian. But I told them later that I was pan sexual.

But I sat at home and I finally decided: OK. You know what? Today’s the day I’m going to tell my dad because he deserved to know first because he was kind of getting a son, in a way, as well as his daughter. And uh–. I took, we took, we went to dinner together and I just started asking him questions of what his views were on um-, gender. And I finally told them I feel like I’m both genders. And he, he kind of thought I was [laughing while talking] joking with him. Because that’s what I do with him. But after a while he, he really started asking questions. Like well, how did you feel? How did you come upon this? Why do you feel like this? And he’s, he’s, he had to do research on it. He didn’t understand it. But now he did the research cause he cared for me and he was very supportive and I’m really happy that he is because now he’s my biggest supporter in this.

, , ,

BBP STORIES: I feel more comfortable, I feel more strong

by

BBP STORIES: I feel more comfortable, I feel more strong

West High School

My history can be from my leadership.

When I started in school, was kind of hard for me. I started being, do what I want, be who, who I am.

I remember that people call me Indian. But I’m not from India. I’m from Ecuador. But I just start to feel bad about it. But no one knows that, really knows that I am gay.

When I come out as a gay boy, people just start like, surprised. I don’t know why. They start talking about me behind me and saying I am the stupid boy. But that’s fine.

I go through a lot bad time, like I remember when Somali boys push me down when I was going to my chemistry class. No one’s going to help me that time. I just feel bad about myself because I, I thought that was wrong. I start crying; I start just feeling bad. When I told one of my teachers about it, they just start helping me a lot. There’s a good support in the school. They have friendly teachers.

They just are like, “OK. I’m here to help you.” But I didn’t feel good. I’m trying to do my best in school to surprise my friends, but that was not enough. I just surprised my teacher but not my friends. Everyone’s coming like my enemy, trying to push me down, talking behind me, talk about me bad things. Telling to all my other classmates that I was gay. I was a stupid boy. Then no—. Never going to be somebody else. And no one was going to take my place in this school.

 

But when I started getting enough support from my teachers,

I just let everything go. Just be myself. Just start doing leadership things. Just start helping my new classmates, helping the new people who come to the country doesn’t speak English. Helping them, try to help in math class with kids. Trying to teach the every single kid where bathroom is in the school, where they can go if they need help. I start feeling more stronger like never, never in my life.

I start feeling like I can do it/ If no one did it for me, I can do for them. But this point, some students that I know, are kind of against me because I am gay. They think that I can do nothing for anyone at school. But they were wrong because I can do more than them. More than what they are doing. Bullying. I can do more that what they think.

They just start talking about me. My classmate who I was helping, they said I’m not doing anything for them. When I was working for my school, doing anti bullying campaign, helping them in school, trying to get everyone, get around, knowing everyone together. But that was not enough. The bullying was going on. But it’s still a lie.

I’m more strong that what they think. Before their words were killing me. But now their words are making me strong. I really even know why are they, what’s going on because I feel more comfortable about myself. I feel more strong.

That’s my story about leadership because people think that gay people cannot lead a community. And people think you can’t do event because you are gay. That’s mean. You can do anything.

I have both hands. I have both feet. I have mouth. I have nose. I have eyes. I have hair. So I am a human, and I can help to my other classmates. I can help to other humans. That’s my story. Thank you.

, ,

BBP STORIES: I think I realized it

by

BBP STORIES: I think I realized it

West High School

I think I realized it

when I was in kindergarten that I wasn’t exactly the same as everyone else. I viewed girls and guys the same, like I had a crush a girl, I had a crush on a guy. It didn’t make a difference to me. As long as I thought the person was amazing, you know, personality wise. And I just…

It didn’t hit me until the fifth grade that I was different when I was on the Internet and there was like a quiz. It was just random. It was–. I was going on some website and it was like a quiz. And it was like: What’s your sexuality? And I was like: Oh, yeah–. So me being a naïve fifth grader, I was like: Oh, yeah, let me go look at, check this out. I’ll take this quiz.

And I took it and it was like: Oh, you’re bisexual. And I was like: Oh. OK. And I remember telling this guy at my school, my elementary school. I was like: I think I’m bisexual because I like girls and guys. And it doesn’t matter to me. And he teased me. He spread rumors about me. He was just like: You like girls? Ha, you’re a lesbian. It was just like–. It blew up. It was really ridiculous. I thought–.

 

It was–. It–. I wasn’t–.

I never was ashamed of it. I was just–. I realized that sexuality isn’t something that you tell everybody because you can’t tell everybody because some people are too immature to understand it. And once I realized that, I–, my sexuality became something that wasn’t really spoken about. I never told anybody. My family doesn’t know. My brother doesn’t know. Not–. I think maybe ten of my friends know. It’s not something that I tell people. And definitely because I realized that now, in this generation, people view you differently if you don’t have the same sexuality, which is absolutely ridiculous. You know?

Because I think that it should be who you are who’s judged. Like your morals, your understanding of others. It shouldn’t be your sexuality. And that’s just ignorance to just shut someone out because of that just because of who they like, like the gender they like.

And when I got into high school, my sophomore year, which is right now, I started realizing that: Yeah. I should embrace my sexuality. It shouldn’t be something that needs to be hidden. So now if it’s like, someone really wants to know? Then I’ll tell them. And I won’t care. You know? I think it’s something I should be proud of. I don’t want to keep hiding it. And I’m really proud to say that I am bisexual.

And that when I do end up falling in love with someone, it’s going to be because of who they are and not their gender or anything that society tells me. And, yeah–. Thank you for listening to my story.

, ,